Tips to Help in Grief

Let us begin today with a reminder of some myths and facts about grief.  Remember that grief is a natural response to a loss, and usually the more significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be.  As we have discussed previously, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and grief is as individual as you are.  We all may share some common symptoms or thoughts and feelings regarding our grief, but each individual walks her/his own path.  Also, recall we have discussed that there is no timetable for grieving – some may begin to feel better within months, while others may grieve for years or a lifetime.

HelpGuide.org is a very good resource for anyone walking through the grieving process.  I will list four “myths and realities” this organization has noted about grief.

Myth:  The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact:  Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run.  For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

Myth:  It’s important to be strong in the face of loss.

Fact:  Feeling sad, frightened or lonely is a normal reaction to loss.  Crying doesn’t mean you are weak.  You don’t need to protect your family or friends by putting up a brave front.  Showing true feeling can help them and you.

Myth:  If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Fact:  Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one.  Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others.  They may simply have other ways of showing it.

Myth:  Grief should last about a year.

Fact:  There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving.  How long it takes can differ from person to person.

Keeping these myths and facts in mind, will help us as we walk through the grieving process.  There are many articles which contain wonderful, helpful suggestions to help those who are grieving.

I will begin with an article written by Elisha Goldstein, PhD., which mentions 7 tips to help in the journey of grieving.  The 7 tips are summarized here for you:

• When you are mourning make time to feel the emotions that arise whether they are denial, anger, sadness or pain. Try not to judge the emotion as good or bad, but know that it is normal and okay, and that the emotion won’t last forever, but may come and go.
• Friends may get uncomfortable with grief and try to make you feel better. Thank them, but reassure them that it is normal to feel what you feel.
• Make sure you are practicing good self-care at this time — eat healthy meals, sleep well, exercise, and pray or meditate.
• Try to see the wonders and the happier things around you – a beautiful sunrise or sunset, the flowers in your garden, the amazing sound of a child’s laughter. There are wonders all around you!
• Know your limits and try to take a break from feeling when it is becoming overwhelming. This takes practice, but it can be done.  The grief emotions will come again and that is okay, but try not to let them occupy your entire day.
• Try giving to others – volunteer at a homeless shelter or a food pantry, make small gifts for those you care about, visit an aging neighbor, or treat a friend to a cup of tea. Giving to others often has a wonderful way of taking our focus off of ourselves and our grief.
• Join a support group. There are many of these groups online or in person.  It often helps to be around others who understand and are walking a similar journey.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself while grieving is to treat yourself kindly and with love.  Know that what you feel is normal and it will pass.  Although it may never completely go away, the intensity of the emotions will likely become less.  Know also that you are not alone.  Please reach out to a friend, family member, or a support group.  Also feel free to contact me either here on the website, or on the Facebook page, Weather Your Storm, or write to me privately on Facebook or at kathleensd54@gmail.com