No “Walk in the Park”

Today I will continue my writing on Chronic Illness.  I had a few good articles set aside to use in today’s post, but those can wait until next time.  And I will tell you why….

Today, like many days over the last 3-1/2 years, I do not feel well… not at all.  So, I thought maybe I would write on chronic illness from my own personal perspective – straight from the horse’s mouth, as the saying goes.

I’ll get this blatant fact out of the way first, and I believe I speak for anyone with long-term illness, it is absolutely no fun to be chronically ill.  It stinks actually.  And I’m guessing that all of us who battle daily illness would wish it away, or pray it away, in a heartbeat, if we could.  And most of us have tried.

There is no point in going into long, boring details about my health issues, but I will say that some have been around for 20+ years.  But it’s been over this last 3+ year period when things started to decline.  Over 3 years ago, I began to seek out doctors who might help or who might be able to provide some sort of diagnoses, so I could begin to try to manage the illness(es).  I went to medical doctors and specialists, an acupuncturist, and even two Christian therapists.   I was hopeful that answers would be found and I would be on my way to regaining good health in no time.  As of yet, I have had only “educated” guesses as to what’s happening.  One thing we can all agree upon is that my health is not as good as it should be, but no one has a solution to the problem(s).

The past 3+ years have resulted in a seemingly long and unpleasant journey — many trips to doctors’ offices, a couple trips to ER, multiple tests and procedures done, blood-work taken who knows how many times, trying different medications which did not help, taking advice from many well-meaning friends telling me what worked for them (so I now have a cupboard full of products, enough to open a health food store), and hours upon hours of researching the internet myself with the hope of finding answers.

Because I am believer in God’s healing power and full capability to heal, I’ve also spent countless days and hours praying for healing, asking for wisdom and clarity as to what was happening, as well as having countless people praying for my healing.

Through the first 2 years of this decline in health, I worked full-time as a caregiver.  I needed to be “on top of my game” at all times because another person was depending upon me.  And I did an exceptional job for those 2 years, putting on the fake smile and rarely letting on that I was ill every day (although my tremendous loss of weight was a dead give-away).  But I was let go from my job after 2-1/2 years, partially due to my health issues and partially due to the fact that the family had decided to put mom in a nursing home.

About 6 months before I embarked on my journey of chronic illness, my father had become ill.  His condition worsened over time and he was not able to rally, and God called him home 3 years ago.  This was added stress and grief for myself and the entire family.  I have no idea as to whether this was related in some way to my own health issues.

And so, here I sit, not knowing much more than I did 3+ years ago, nor feeling any better.  I can tell you that my emotions, on top of the physical symptoms, have gotten the better of me on more than one occasion.  I have run the gamut from denial, to anxiety and stress, to depression, to anger, guilt, and overwhelming exhaustion.

My faith and hope in God healing me have waivered from time to time, but have never gone away.  I have days of strong faith, and days where it’s a bit shaky.  Yet I still believe I will see healing, whether from God or from a doctor or from a combination of the two.  And if I do not see healing upon this earth, then I believe that God will use my illness for His Glory.  So, either way, I cannot lose!

That is my basic story of chronic illness in a nutshell.  I would love to hear from you if you are also fighting the good fight against illness, not because misery loves company but because it is vital not to feel isolated when one is ill.

Stay well and healthy, my friends and readers!  And remember there is a prayer request form (as a drop-down called “Requests”, under “Contact” on the main page) – please fill it out and I will pray!  This form is strictly confidential and will only be seen by me.  And I am never too ill to pray for others!

I am Weathering the Storm!