Grief Has No Time Limit-Guest Blog

Grieving has no time limit

Anyone who has lost a loved one can tell you that grieving comes in waves and can catch you off guard. As an ocean lover I relate it to being out in the water, floating on a raft, perhaps with a friend next to me, relaxing, talking and enjoying the moment. Suddenly a wave comes up, seemingly from no where, and knocks me off my raft! What a shock!

This was the situation last week when I was flying back to Florida from the Midwest.

I cannot remember the last time I sat in a window seat, I usually go for the aisle, but on this flight there was one seat left in the front row, which is my favorite due to leg room and a nearby bathroom, so I quickly stored my bag and buckled into the window seat.

The flight was uneventful. I was returning home after another busy stay with family. I had my eyes closed, just resting and sort of meditating.

I heard the flight attendant announce we were descending into Tampa.

As I opened my eyes, I began to cry silently. The gorgeous view of the bay out my window caught me off guard and took my breath away.

My immediate heart, mind and gut responses were a mixture of  love for my late husband,  his fight to live, my loss, and flashes of memories involving us and the water.

I felt both joy and sadness.

The beauty from above reminded me of our boat rides out to a barrier island where the water was so, so beautiful. We used to call it our local Caribbean and private island when we went out during the week and frequently not another boater was to be seen. So many good memories.

Crying can be therapeutic

The pendant in the picture, purchased after my second marriage of 23 years ended,  has an interesting story.

I was drawn to the piece when I was shopping with a friend who was looking for jewelry. I was not  in the market for jewelry but this called  to me. The color reminded me of the ocean and the tear drop shape of the gem stone was close to my heart as I have  always been an advocate of ‘letting tears flow.’

Originally it was set as a ring, however since I have such slender fingers it didn’t fit very well and thus was relegated to my  jewelry box where it stayed, it’s beauty unappreciated.

Some months later, when I decided to go to Florida for the winter as a travel nurse, I remembered the ring and  decided to have the setting altered to a pendant, which I figured I might be more likely to wear.

The short version of a  very long, interesting and emotional story, is that during the time I was in Florida I  reunited with my first husband (we had married as teens and divorced still teens)  and I subsequently wore this necklace  in our second wedding.

We  later moved to Florida, near the ocean,  to live in his family home. His mother had died after being in a coma for three years, just 2 days after our marriage, and his father died 4 months later.

Many tears of joy and sadness were shed over the 10 and 1/2 years we were together. I am grateful for this part of my life in so many ways. I have grown through the experience and am not the same person.

My tears, as I sit here and let them flow,  continue to soothe my still grieving heart.

What about you?

How do you deal with loss and grief? Do you allow yourself to cry? Do you notice letting the tears flow rather than repressing them help you in your healing process?

Donna Harmony-Jones RN, BSN, HNB-BC, CHTP

www.donnaharmonyjones.com