A couple of weeks ago I asked my friends and readers here to share with me some of their thoughts about coping and dealing with grief and loss. I wanted to hear from you, rather than writing about what all the “experts” say. I was not surprised by the comments I received; and there seems to be some common ways most of us cope and deal with grief and loss.
The following is a list of responses I received on coping with grief and loss —
“I would have to say prayers, and people being there for me later down road to help me sort out all my emotions and to love on me. We never get over our loved one. We hold onto the moments of time and memories. Life is a vapor; don’t hold on to the hurt, but let the good times bring peace and joy. And know you never walk alone — hold on to Jesus’ hand very tight — He hurts when you hurt. God knows what it is like to lose a loved one — He lost his only begotten son.”
“Sometimes it was crying out to God. I haven’t asked why he was taken. I began attending a grief share group. It was so comforting to learn that I’m not losing my mind. I am grieving and I will go from mourning to joy. I miss my husband everyday but I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. God is walking with me every step of this journey. Kathy – thank you for giving me a safe place to express my feelings, and I look forward to reading your posts and comments by others.”
“Talking about it, and my love. Crying it out. Letting people love on me and talk about my loved one. Appreciating the beauty when it came and I could see it. The only thing I would not have done so quickly, was to give away so much so soon. And I would have found out more about interring his ashes, something I am still going to do. One great thing was that my girls and family made sure I was not alone. Someone was with me most of the time and the month later my special aunt passed away and they made sure I got back to Virginia, in the middle of winter. While I was there I was able to have the memories with me of that being home to us and saw many friends and shared memories while I was there for two months. Today two years later, I can remember without that full on grief. I watch my brother going through his own grief now in an empty house with no one who stops by. His son lives to far to make it home frequently and if he sees anyone he goes to them…her children have very little to say as far as coming to him. He is making himself get out to visit with others now.”
“I let the feelings come — the sadness — but I tried not to wallow in it. I found if I kept busy then it would change my focus from grief to other things (work or family).”
“Prayer was most important through the illness and through the loss. I had good family support. I cried when I needed to cry… I did not try to stop the tears from coming; and there were times the tears would come unexpectedly. I allowed myself to feel whatever I was feeling.”
“I cried when I needed to… just let it all out. I discussed with other family members that we each grieve differently, and we accepted each other’s ways of grieving. I had a lot of friend and family support. And the most important thing always was prayer, a lot of prayer always.”
Those were the comments from friends and readers. As to how I have coped and deal with grief myself, I tend to go with what all of you expressed. The coping skills that have helped me the most in times of grieving are — God and prayers for comfort and peace, a strong belief in Heaven and knowing that my loved one was with God and no longer suffering on earth. Also, very important in my journey were my family and friends who listened and offered me loving support in the rough spots. I allowed myself to feel the emotions I was feeling (whether that was anger, denial, sadness, or even joy in the memories). And I allowed myself to cry when I needed to, without holding back.
Again, I will remind you to feel free to write to me here on the website, on the Weather Your Storm page on Facebook, or write to me privately on Facebook or at kathleensd54@gmail.com .
We are walking this journey together and I am here for you.
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