Coping with Grief and Loss

Today I will continue our series on grief and loss with further discussion on coping and dealing with your grief and loss.

Allow me to remind you of some prior writing on the subject —

Grief is a completely natural response to loss.  It is important to note that grieving is an extremely personal and individual experience.  We will all face loss of some kind within our lifetime; and for each person the journey will be unique and each person will walk their own path.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  There is no timetable on grieving, and normally the healing process happens gradually.  The timetable is likely to be based upon the individual’s personality and the significance of the loss.  Some individuals may begin healing in weeks or months; others may need years or a lifetime to experience healing.  Therefore, we all must be mindful of the fact that we each walk a unique journey in grieving and in healing.

We have discussed the basic stages of grief and loss.  I will remind you that not everyone will experience every stage, or often we will experience more than one stage at a time, and that the emotions surrounding grief and loss will come and go, with ups and downs similar to a roller coaster.  Typically the intensity of grief will lessen in time, but there will be triggers such as holidays, birthdays, or any reminder of your loved one, which will cause the intense grief to return.

I read an excellent article published by HelpGuide.org which will be presented in today’s post on coping and dealing with grief and loss.  I will summarize and add to the subject when necessary, as I always do in my writings.  The article basically summarized coping with grief and loss in two sections: “Get Support” and “Take Care of Yourself.”

Get Support – Getting support is listed as the single most important factor in healing from a loss.  Expressing your feelings, even when you are normally uncomfortable in doing so, allows you to lighten the burden of grief, making that burden easier to carry.  It is important not to always grieve alone, although some alone time is healthy in the process of healing.

• Turn to friends and family members. Even though you may normally be strong and self-sufficient, it is important when you are grieving to receive support from those who care about you.  Often people want to help in some way, so now is the time to let them know what you need.
• Draw comfort from your faith. Spiritual activities such as praying, meditating, or going to church can provide comfort and peace when grieving.  If you find you are questioning your faith due to the loss, speak with a trusted member of the clergy or with others in your church community.
• Join a support group. Sharing your feeling and experiences with others who are also walking through a loss can help in the coping process.
• Talk with a therapist or grief counselor. Therapists and counselors are trained in helping you to work through the intense emotions surrounding grief and loss.

Take Care of Yourself – Taking care of your physical and emotional needs will help you in coping with grief and loss.  The stress of a major loss can easily deplete your energy and emotional reserves.  Self-care is extremely important during this time.

• Face your feelings. Acknowledge your emotions and the pain you feel.  Avoidance of your emotions will only prolong the process of grieving, and unresolved grief may lead to more complications later, such as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and health problems.
• Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write in a journal, make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating your loved one, or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him/her.  An example of one thing I do is to donate to my father’s favorite charity during the Christmas season, on his birthday, and on Father’s Day.
• Look after your physical health. Make sure you are eating healthy meals, getting enough sleep, and exercising.  Keep regular appointments with your physician.
• Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Because grief is such an individual experience, no one else has the right to tell you to “get over it” or “move on.”  Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, and know that it is okay to feel the anger or sadness or denial.  It is also okay to laugh and find moments of joy as well.
• Plan ahead for grief “triggers.” Be prepared for possible emotional temporary setbacks during the holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays.  Know that this is normal in coping and dealing with grief and loss.

Again, I will remind you that you do not need to walk this journey alone.  Reach out and get the support you need.  Remember that I am here for you, and I encourage you to feel free to write to me here at the website, or on the Weather Your Storm page on Facebook, or contact me privately on Facebook or at tweetymcc@yahoo.com .